The recent big change in me!!

So!
Hey people!
Just wanted to write something about what I go through every single day of my life.
So, throughout my school, I was a skinny girl who was very proud of herself 😛
Then came the moment when I had to leave my hometown and go to a different state in India, Punjab.
As I was doing my thing, passing time, completing assignments giving exams, little did I realize that I was gaining weight and at quite a good speed.
People started talking about it when my mom visited my college and she was shocked seeing her 50kg girl has gone to 70kg in 1 year.
Deep down I knew this was going to happen, and that I was going to feel bad.
And then there was no stopping.
I recently touched whopping 93kgs a few months ago.
I lost all my confidence.
I didn’t want to be seen by anyone because I was afraid of the same words being said again and again.
Words were the same, people were different every time but what hurt the most was that my mom was ashamed of me.
She would portray me as if my entire existence was one side and the fact that I had become fat was another side.
Me being fat hide everything that I was doing.
Now I would escape those outsiders but what about the people who were inside the house.
How to escape them ?? Umm NO! you can’t escape them.
The same happened to me.
I was the target for every frustration in my house.
In every argument, in every fight, every disagreement in my house, there would be a comment on my weight and appearance simply out of context.
The fact that I lost my confidence and self-love, my family had a lot to do in it.
Even today my mom feels the same way, she looks at me and makes faces.
I wanted to start blogging but I couldn’t gather the courage and confidence to do it as I was fat and I saw other bloggers so thin and sexy.
Now some of you may point out that why didn’t I try to lose weight.
I did! , in fact, I starved myself.
I began researching and started many things to bring a difference, but nothing would change because I was extremely stressed out.
I was in a complete mess, very unhealthy.
I started losing my hair since then.
This continued for almost 6-7 years and then Corona happened and we were forced to work from home.
The only difference was this time I came home with an attitude of not giving a fuck.
I brought a puppy home and life started roaming around him.
I was less stressed and less unhealthy as I started eating home-made food more.
I started being active at home because you can’t sit at a place when you are at home and you have a puppy.
AND GUESS WHAT!! I began losing weight here.
I have been home since June 2020 and I am down to 80kgs right now.
I have developed some allergies and a few health issues but I am doing good and feeling good.
Moral of the story-
1-Your family is undoubtedly the most supportive people you will have in life, but they cannot be always right.
2-Some times you gotta grow out and make yourself thick-skinned.
Trust me I would cry myself to sleep.
3- Every day is a part of your life, things cannot be the same at all times. Trust the process and learn to adapt.
4-Learn the art of ‘NOT GIVING A FUCK’!!

Love,
xoxo
Saundarya

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